One of those days...

"One venti caramel-" the barista did a double take, "Are you doing ok today??" He asked curiously.

I guess I must have looked as rough as I felt. And since I was at the drive through he could only see half of me! Noah and I had boarded the struggle bus at 1:30 that morning after our feeding and it was now 11 am. I had been covered in spit up, poop, and my child's tears. His doctor appt had went well but it was a long morning. I had decided to nix my Aldi run not feeling up to navigating the crowds and instead I was now sitting in line at Starbucks and concerning my poor barista. 

I suppose I must have somehow gotten a smile on my face and told him I was fine because we ended up laughing together over something inconsequential. 

Yesterday we had a photoshoot at my aunt's house but someone, who will not be named, decided to break his record of being awake and didn't sleep OR cooperate with any of his poses. Results ended up being a solid 20 pictures taken in 4 hours. Noah and I came home and napped on the bed for 90 minutes, praise Jesus. 

This morning I strapped him in his bouncy chair and took a shower with him screaming his lungs out sitting on the bathroom floor. I felt horrible but my hygiene was in need of some up keep. You can imagine my guilt when I stepped out a whole 4 minutes later to find him crying actual tears. When I picked him up he grabbed a fistful of my shirt and refused to let me go even when he fell asleep a few seconds later. 

So yeah. As much as I love mom life, I'm getting used to having these kinda days. Frustrating to my OCD, checklist behavior. I was told they were coming. I was warned I would lose my sleep/sanity. I guess I didn't realize how serious it is. At least in college when I pulled all nighters there was the adrenaline of upcoming exams and laying everything on the line. Here when I pull all nighters with Noah, all I have to look forward to the next day is snuggles and attempting to document his childhood with blurry, out of focus pictures.
But these days also forcing me to realize it's ok to not be in control and going with the flow is not impossible. And I am told that these are good for your soul. Idk...Here's to the rest of the day, sponsored solely by Caffeine and Jesus.

"Sterbucks" and pacifiers to keep my sanity